Wending Our Way Back Home

Not sure if I will be able to put to many thoughts to words before we land in Phoenix but we'll give it a shot and see what happens. So far our flight out of Paris has gone pretty well. Getting to the airport was something of an interesting ride. We found out about a van service that picks up about eight folks at a time and shuttles them to the airport for a little better fare than standard taxi rates. However, where you are on the pickup list may determine how many Madd Hatter rides you get to take through the streets of Paris. Fortunately for one who is easily prone to motion sickness we only had to pick up one other person. I honestly didn't know that you could fit an 8 passenger van in between a city bus and the curb on a street built for two horses!

Leaving in the middle of rush hour traffic didn't do too much for average travel times to the airport either. We dropped off some of our merry band at the first terminal. Of course, our terminal was somewhere else so off we went. We saw the sign for terminal 2 whiz by when all of a sudden we came to a screeching halt. Kind of figured we were going to be a while when the driver turned off the van. I overheard him ask another driver what was going on and learned that some truck driver had underestimated the height of his load and clipped the top of an underpass we needed to pass under. Fortunately, they were able to back the truck out of its untimely difficulties in short order and we were soon on our way. I believe that was the only time I ever saw any Frenchman back up! Needless to say, we made it to the airport in sufficient time to endure the screening process and make our flight!

It is my humble opinion that the US Airways terminal has the worst security setup of any "modern" country in the world. But then, what do I know. I've only been to one other international airport in recent years and it was built by the same masterminds. Aunt Lorraine had asked for some mobile assistance which actually provides her and those accompanying her expedited processing through the ordeal. In this case there was one Disneyland style queue for the normal Joes and a "special" queue for the crew and the wheelchair jockeys. Bear in mind that these lines are very narrow and getting the wheelchair to fit just by itself was a pretty good accomplishment but there must have been two dozen crew members all demanding to squeeze past us and jump the line. The bottleneck was a real mess and an opportune time to practice the deep breathing discipline I recently learned at work. Come to think of it, I did a lot of that on this trip. It helps. Sometimes. The chair jockey, who spoke reasonable English for a Frenchman, finally slugged our way through the line and we were ultimately able to escape the angry mob that by now were preparing to throw their 3.5-ounce clear plastic containers at us. Funniest part of this is that the chair jockey tripped the metal detector going through it and had quite a time getting himself through security.

With the clock ticking this whole time, there was little opportunity to recover before they announced they were going to pre-board certain travelling types. I sensed something was amiss when the chair jockey was summoned by someone in a uniform and hushed conversation and furtive glances were cast our way. At last the chair jockey came over and told Aunt Lorraine that she had been randomly selected for additional screening. Ye gads! The old lady had been found out! After going through her things and doing a body search etc. etc. etc. we finally boarded and had a very quiet and uneventful flight to Philadelphia. Managed to watch almost three movies on the way over. In English too!

We're getting ready to land in Phoenix so I have to quit. Not much more to tell except for the disagreeable wheelchair joker we got this time. He had such a thick Indian style accent I couldn't really understand a word he said (hello? did we take a detour? is this France?) and kept wagging his finger at me and telling me to go here, do this, do that, all the time wagging that nasty finger and snarling at me and just generally being unlikeable. I was about ready to break that finger off and shove it up his nose. But, we made the flight and are about to make it to our final leg back home. Really looking forward to seeing the families again. Catch ya later.

P.S. Aunt Lorraine is safely on her way to San Diego and we're waiting for our flight to leave later this evening.